I ask him how it happened and he tells me the story. I broke it playing soccer.' So the cast is something new. I say, 'How are you hanging in there?' He responds, 'OK. As our elbows touch we share a little laugh. I search my memory: Did he have that cast on last week? I playfully extend my right elbow and he does the same. Any time.' Using a common pastoral way of closing a conversation, I say, 'I’ll call you.' And then I hope I remember to call.Ī teenager approaches with a cast on his right arm. I say, 'Well, it would be good to catch up when you have a chance.' She says, 'Sure. There’s just been a whole lot going in my life.' I think, OK, there’s something to follow up on.

It’s great to see you, Mary.' Mary says, 'Yeah, well, I haven’t been around for a while. And you know Mary, don’t you?' indicating the member of the flock who has been missing in action. We will continue to hold you in our prayers.' She responds, 'Thank you. I say, 'Well, I know you were very close to him. He would have been very pleased.' I should have remembered that it was her grandfather. 'Sure, Todd, here.' I give him a ten-dollar bill. Before she can respond, my teenage son comes up behind me and drapes his arms over my shoulders: 'Dad, you know you want to give me money so I can get something at the bake sale.' Normally I would remind him that this is no way to ask me for something, but I don’t have time for a lesson in manners.

But it was a blessing.' I ask, 'Was your whole family able to gather for the service?' It’s a rather lame question, but I am stalling for time, hoping that she will drop a personal pronoun. Or was it her grandmother? I say, 'I’m so sorry to hear about your loss.' She says, 'Thanks. Next is the woman who lost her grandfather. I can remember that because they are 'new in town.' Jill Townsend says, 'We’ve lived here for years, but we’re looking at other churches.' OK, Townsend, as in 'not new in town.' I say, 'Well, I hope you can stay for some coffee.' She smiles and says, 'Not today, but I’m sure we will be back.' I look for someone to introduce them to, but they are out the door before I have a chance.

Quick, file away their names before you lose them. But I need to stay focused on the new couple. I think, It’s been, what… almost a year? I wonder why she is back today. And then my mind lights ever so briefly on the person she is talking to, a parishioner I have not seen in worship in some time. Wait, was it her grandmother who died or her grandfather? Actually, I think it was her grandfather. My thoughts spin back toward the one who is next in line and I begin to second-guess myself. I need to be attentive to the new couple for at least a few more moments: 'Are you new to the area or just new to us?' What is their name? Townsend! Whew. I give a nod in her direction to let her know that I want to speak with her, but not yet. But while I am chatting with the new couple I see out of the corner of my eye the person next in line, whose grandmother just died. Catch the names before they simply drop to the floor. So good to have you here.' I think, Focus on their names. The woman of the couple responds, 'Good to meet you. I say, 'Good morning! I’m Martin Copenhaver.' By my manner and my tone of voice you might think that I am greeting long-lost friends, rather than introducing myself to these people for the first time. In front of me is a couple I do not recall seeing before. Worship is over and I am standing in the door way shaking hands. The word has been spoken, so now it is time to listen to what the responses and needs of the listeners might be. The preacher can learn a lot while shaking hands at the close of worship. Current articles and subscriptions information can be found at This material was prepared for Religion Online by Ted and Winnie Brock. Copyright by the Christian Century Foundation used by permission. This article appeared in The Christian Century, April 8, 2008, pp. Copenhaver is a pastor at Wellesley Congregational Church (United Church of Christ) in Wellesley, Massachusetts.

Wellesley handshaker